sacrifice....

I have been trying to figure out lately what on earth is in my mind, what am I feeling, what do I want to say, and what do I want to have. And lately, I’ve been wondering about all the things that I have given up. It’s kind of foolish to make certain decisions without even thinking about myself, because at some point, though I know it’s for the good, I’ve been asking: Is it all worth it?

Sacrificing, yes, I guess that’s what I’ve been doing lately, sacrificing some significant things, trying to look at some deeper meaning other than self contentment and a handful of plain selfish vanity. Now, I feel like I have forgotten the real sense of sacrificing and its real meaning. Is it like what I have been thinking of right now, a way to hide one’s true color? Or like in accounting, the term goodwill, at certain point one of the partners, from some goodness of his heart, is willingly giving out a certain amount of money that can be his (goodwill is not applied in accounting anymore!). It’s somewhat confusing and at the same time frustrating, because right now, at some point, I want to be angry and blame everyone who’s involved. I don’t know. I guess all I can do right now is to take a deep breath, try not to fall off the cliff and into the see of doubts. But here’s one thing for sure: “I’ve been making sacrifices without knowing what it is really.”