bed...

(well, it's a little bit "mature", but heck, not much of a big deal! hehehe...it is just a story that came out of my freaking brain for no reason at all..so pardon me if some may get offended..)

I remember feeling the warm rays of the sun on my face the moment I woke up. I tried to stand up but then felt my brain throbbing as if there’s a drum being played inside it. I closed my eyes again and tried to sleep, but the sun’s rays seem to be very determined to keep me awake as it easily escape through the small opening between those think curtains.

I lie on my back thinking of what had happened last night that had caused this headache. I closed my eyes again while giving my head a light massage to at least make it feel a little better. Have I had too much to drink? I mean, I know where my friends and I had been last night. I am very much aware of what I am doing. But then it hit me. I opened my eyes again and looked around-I was not in my room.

I stood up with much effort not to fall for everything seems to be turning the moment I seated myself up. I looked around, dark room, clothes scattered everywhere, empty liquor bottles, and, yes, just what I have been dreading- on the bed, a woman fast asleep under the blanket.

I don’t know what to do. I had exceeded my limitations of being a person. My heart was beating hard, as if it will come out of my chest anytime soon. I just stood there, looking at her, confused with so much emotions building inside me. I put on my clothes, wanting to run away from this mess. Should I even run away?

I was already on the door when I looked back to get a better look at her face. I don’t know what really happened, but it stopped me from leaving. I walked back towards the bed and sat on it. I can’t take my gaze off of her, I just can’t. The room was a little brighter since the sun has completely risen. Her face is just stunning, and though her eyes were closed I know it’s beautiful, I remember seeing and admiring it so much. Her black hair that extends to her naked back makes her more beautiful. I watched her breathe as she continues to sleep peacefully. I know that I should be leaving, but something made me stop, something in her made me feel happy. And, instead of leaving, without taking my eyes off her, I lie down again. It was a completely different way to find love. I know she might leave, but I still held her hand, with the hopes of this not ending anytime soon. Then I closed my eyes…

crashing down...

Raining Fireworks by =couleur on deviantART

Lights flashed in different colors on Tegan’s eyes as she watches the fireworks display from the coast of the city. It has always been her dream to do such thing as she let her time to go pass by without a single worry to think of. She held her cup of coffee tight in her hands as though it is the only way to keep her from reality and in this dream for the longest time possible. No posthumous fragments of the memory she had tried to forget, no future to think of, just now, the present wherein a jolt of happiness has filled her for the first time in about six months. And although she had tried her best not to cry, tears were still able to escape from the grip of her bright blue eyes.

She has crashed down, with not a single idea on where to start again or how to be whole again. There has been so much in her mind that she had decided to ran away for a while and escape the feeling of being alone and completely deprived.

The fireworks continued as she tries to recall every single moment of her life for the past year. Yes, there are happy moments, people to love, people who love her, and things, just things that are enough to make her the happiest woman in the world. But then again, there is always something missing. Never had she realized it, not until, she had hit rock bottom and lost everything and everyone. And before that, all along, she had thought her life was perfect.

“Why spend this beautiful time alone?”

Tegan looked at her back and there loomed a man walking towards her.

“I mean, this is no place for someone like you to be alone.”

Tegan didn’t answer. She had never wanted to be disturbed in this precious moment of hers that she had been waiting for the longest time.

The man stood beside her. He is a tall dark man, in some rugged clothes, and also holding a cup of coffee in his hand.

“What do you want me to do?” replied Tegan as she wipes off her tears from her eyes, “I need this, I need to be alone.”

“Here.” Said the man then facing her and wiped her tears off with his handkerchief.

Tegan looked back and continue to admire the beautiful show in the sky and tried to ignore the man. And yet, she can’t stop thinking of what a perfect story this could be, if only loves this person. But, of course, how could she, she has no slightest idea who he is. Plus, he’s a complete opposite of her. She’s clean, with meticulous taste and well rounded. And he, he seems to enjoy the world by riding around at night and spending most of his hard earned money in useless stuff. He looks like he’s a type of person who’d run barefoot in the whole city just for fun.

“You know, it is really not advisable to spend you lowest point of life alone.” He said after sipping from his coffee

“What makes you thi-” Tegan is ready to argue with him but she stopped for the guy held out his hand towards her

“Here,” he said with a smile, “hold this, it’ll help.”

Tegan looked at the guy’s face and was very surprised to what she saw- a person who’d be there no matter who she is, or where she had been, a person so beautiful for no matter how he looked like outside he was still able to show warmth to someone from his deep emotions. She took the guys hand and held it tight. And for the first time she felt that she’s real. Started crying again for she know that she had found the missing piece of her life…

I want one! I want one!

like the flowing river - Paolo Coelho
post secret : the secret live os men and women - frank warrenyou can go to this site to see some of the secrets postsecret
Been buying books lately since there's this massive sale at national bookstore...but still I can't buy this two books that I've been wanting for months!!!!waaah!

silent whispers...

It was when I lit a candle and watch it burn down when I realized that I really don’t have to scream out loud and shed so much tears just to let everything out. Because no matter how heavy the burden that I am carrying, it seems to float just float away.

looking out for you... by *Zendar on deviantART

I don’t really go to churches alone, I mean, I am always with my family whenever I go there. And last Thursday was the first time I entered one without anyone with me. I sat on one of the many long benches and look at some nothingness there while thinking of all the things that I am going through. Some says it’s shallow or something, but heck, it’s the only thing that I am concentrating on, it’s the only thing that I am living for as of the moment. So why not make a big deal out of it? It is simply crazy, but that just the way it is.

Left prayers by *OnVee1 on deviantART

I never really thought of, me going in a church spontaneously and then just stay there, feel the presence of the emotions that are washing over me. I guess, though my eyes aren’t close and I am not kneeling down, I am saying a prayer. Simply thanking of having such place to run to whenever there is too much chaos in my mind. Yeah, and I know that is the reason why there are so many people in that church even though at that time everyone is supposedly busy doing their works or studying. It is the only refuge one’s soul can run to at times when there’s just something too much to take.

There is so much to captivate in a church, may you have a reason for going there or not, the silence of the whole place is something to appreciate. The gift of having some sweet reverie of the momentary stillness of time is too beautiful to ignore. And in the end, faith is all you need as you watch those prayers in your heart to float away with the candle’s silent whispers.

drowning...

“Pointless” that is what my friend said after telling her how I felt after staying under the pool for about a minute.

drowning by ~spaaaaaacecadet on deviantART

Well, it is kinda crazy, but I think it worked for me. It’s one of the many things that I had ever wanted to feel. You know, the feeling of being so weightless, so light, that no matter how much you wanted to be down you just keep on floating like a wandering soul waiting for its time to be consumed by something far better than the limbo. It is such bliss for me to hear all those screams and laughs that seem so distant from me. Yes, that is how I wanted to feel for some time, to be far away, to wander around and to feel no burden inside me, but just like any slap on the face, fate had already written it for so long that you have no choice but to rise up again and face all those people enjoying the time of their lives with a smile.

I guess, at some point of one’s happiness, a person still yearns to have this momentary stillness that, even though, it is more that enough he would still wish for it to be longer. But the thing is, wanting it too much is so foolish, because when you had too much bliss of comfort you will end up falling with a loud painful thud at the end.

I want to be weightless, at some give time, because right now I would just want to realize that this reality I am living in is much better than any other thing that consists of being whole and without any stress…

on stage...

You open your eyes, the curtains roll back, you hear the music play, and the spot light is on you. Strings attached- you move as the hand above you moves along the sound. You sing, dance, laugh, cry, and every now and then you get surprised by some twist that you never knew existed until it happened.

Life is, for me, is like a huge play- a musical, an act or even worse, a puppet show. One thing in common, though, everything is planned ahead. There’s a script, a story, or at least, a faint glimpse of what to do. You know what song to sing at that moment. You know when to scream your lungs out, when to jump around, or even fool around. You know you will meet other characters, though you don’t really know them, you are ready to meet such people. You know at some point, you have to put a mask, try to cover what you really are feeling. For as people watch you run along and act along the beautifully written tale of yours, you learn to accept that you have to please everybody.

But the greatest irony of it, my most hated part, is the big things. It happens in any part of the play- it just happens. It’s when you thought you have everything pinned down for good but to your surprise it has pinned you down instead. It is when all of the sudden you realize that there is no music to play anymore, no song to sing, no story to follow, and no strings attached to guide you. It’s when you find out that it’s all about you; it’s all about your song, your story, and your own strings. It is when you have to write your own script-everyday a blank page waiting to be filled up by no one else but you. It’s when it doesn’t really matter if you have a face sans mask, for you won’t care about others anymore, because you have to think of yourself first. It’s when you can’t just sleep at night, trying to muster all your strength to get yourself through it. It’s when, all you ever wanted to do is not an arms reach, but rather, an ocean, on which you are trying to build a bridge to get over with.

In the end, it’s all up to you. In the end, you are to define everything. And in the end, it’s your choice if that play will have a happy ending.

A vampire's midnight ode...

On which shall I fall
Behind the moonlight’s toll
Of the free flowing
With the blood’s new awe

Drenched by the midnight song
I bid life so long
For in darkness I bask
There’s nothing more I can ask

No sweet reverie of the day
From the distant pleasure of May
I stand within no fear of the way
For fear has nothing to pay

I breathe life’s immortality
An inch away from heartbreak
Crazed to face fatality
And created to live yet to take…

fatality...

Sometimes as I cross the very fatal highway to our school, I wonder. Of all the people in the world crossing this road, will there come a day when I will be one of those unfortunate people who will end his day without knowing his tragic story? I mean, will it ever occur to me, a momentary halt of time, a flashback of my life, and some weird unidentified feeling inside of me? Though I know that at some point of time it will be my choice. I can choose to take hold of the small wrinkle in time and act ahead to the fatality or I can just stand there, look at whatever is there and let everything end in a flat line, a silence that is not meant to be broken.

.silence is bronze. by ~cisya on deviantART

There are nights when I would just lie down and look up at the nothingness above me (in short, ceiling), trying to figure out endless points that most of people are trying to prove. Sometimes there are just things that I can’t really understand. Maybe when I experience some heavy crash and burn, I can fully understand it? But for now, at some point, I would just grasp whatever is there within my reach, whether how hard it is or not.

What else could I really say? Sometimes I wish I would just disappear on the face of this world. Sometimes I just want to be empty, be weightless as a feather, to feel the lightness of life and when I felt the feeling of floating time or at least the freedom to fly away from here. Then maybe I could find at least peace for an hour.

Crazy it is for me to talk about so much nonsense in my life. Sometimes I just really want to be free from all this life’s greatest lessons and just be in some placid state of whatever…

rains...

At last, I caught the rain as it falls on the ground. I love the rain, I love standing outside with my umbrella while listening to its soft dropping sound that seems like some lullaby to my soul. For me, rain is one of those sweet blessings from above that makes you realize that you are alive. It awakens my senses and gives a soft tap on my soul whenever it falls down onto my skin and the coldness that it brings reminds me of the warmth that I have in me, proving to me that I am real. Sometimes when it rains I would not open my umbrella I would just let it take over me, I would let it take me into some fantasy that would disguise my true emotions, it will hide the tears in my eyes yet it will wash off the pain and the sorrows I have in me. The rain is always a refuge for me, for it would make me stop for a moment and think of the happiest thoughts that I have. Every rain drop is a pensive of memory that will always be a mark in my heart. Every dripping sound it makes when it hits something will always send a spark of happiness in me.

Hard rain by `gilad on deviantART

Rain is something big for me, it will always remind me of my friends and family and how I spend time with them, for they are very much my umbrella whenever a storm comes to my life, a sweet refuge from the coldness life can bring.

I can't escape the fury of the lord tears

It punishes me for simply living for all these years

Is there a lesson to be learned from this hard rain?

Do I deserve this, or is this god gone insane?

They say that the lord works in mysterious ways

If it's true, I seem to be having one of his bad days

I would like now for this rain to stop just for a while

Like god is still contemplating the sentence of my trial

(taken from 'gilad )

home...back home..

After staying in my uncle’s house for about a week, doing nothing but watching television all day (some think it is fun, but I am not a TV person, I barely watch TV, except Grey’s Anatomy!), I am back home. I can’t explain how happy I am the moment I stepped in my home. And when my cute little doggie, Lucky, ran towards me I really felt that I am so home…

my doggie! lucky!

It is quite ironic for me to find it hard to adjust and adapt to some other houses and to be sane without my parents and siblings, because I always look forward to having my own place to live in and be independent (I am so excited to be independent). It’s not that I want to escape the tight rules of my parents or something, I am given enough freedom. I think it is because I just want to learn the reality of fighting life without really having someone do it for me. But, right now, I think I won’t be able to leave our house, I think I am so attached to everything that has got to do with our home. Plus I realized that I am not really ready to face the “no rule” kind of life that most of old people are experiencing, I think I am not really ready for such responsibility. It will be much harder for me to live without any rules to live by than doing whatever I want…I am still seventeen; I don’t want to fast forward everything for now…I just want to stay in my same old home and be there until I reach 50? Hehe…

"I mean, seriously. Don't be fooled by all the hot shoes and the great sex and the no parents anywhere telling you what to do. Adulthood is responsibility" - Merideth Grey (Grey's Anatomy)

just nothing...

I really want to write about something but the reading marathon of Harry Potter has left my brain dry. Plus, not being at home for the past week is starting to get on me and making me more irritable than ever.

Well, in my Filipino subject we've been studying about stories...I so love reading and writing stories. It sends me some great feeling of bliss and accomplishment whenever I finish writing or reading one..that's why I really wanted to be a journalist, so that I can be able to tell the world the stories of many different people...

I think one of the many reasons that I want to be a journalist to be able to experience every emotions in one very very important happening...or at least witness it first hand...

I really don't know what to blog about...

Harry Potter fever...

Well, I am here in one of the many scattered internet cafe near our school...Apparently our classes are suspended due to the President's SONA. Heck, it is kinda jarring! after all my effort to wake up so early in the morning and fight the hard battle of commuting I will end up standing in front of our school's main gate and looking at a piece of paper taped on it saying : "WALANG PASOK" written in some weird way!

Well, I don't want to think about it anymore...right now, all I want to think about the hottest book in the world, as of the moment, that I just bought yesterday! YEAH! HARRY POTPOT AND THE DEATHLY HOLLOWS!! WOHHHOO (so dork of me to do that)...well, I never really planned of buying it..Heck I didn't even went to the mall just to avoid the stress that I will get from the excited people getting the copy book seven! but but but! when my family and I went to the mall yesterday (SUNDAY), I just can't resist it! it is calling me! tempting me to hold it and draw it close to me! yeah, one of the last to copies availabe in the mall has my name on it, and I can't just let anyone take it away from me! so I bought it! thanks to my sister who lend me some money for the book! heheheheheh

I don't want to give out any hints or whatever cause I know most people are busy doing their stuffs but I would like to comment on one thing! : "Why is it that all my favorite characters end up dead in the story!!!waah!"

a scent that reminds...

They say that the sense of smell has the greatest power to recall a memory, and ever since I heard that I try to pick up a scent from one memorable place or event. Yes, it’s kinda weird but I am investing on it because we’ll never know if it’s true or not unless it’s right at front of you.

Well, yesterday, it happened, a perfect recollection of a scent that reminds me of a bittersweet memory. Yes, a reminiscent from a pleasant smell that sends me right back in time whether I like it or not. And no matter how much I try to avoid it, it seems to follow me wherever I go, it seems inevitable. I don’t want to think about it right now, or even get reminded by the slightest thing involved with it.


…I close my eyes as the sweet scent of chamomile and rose take over me, I close my eyes breathe deep and before I knew it, I am back. Back to a dreaded time, yet remained perfectly still leaving a mark in my mind that won’t simply go. I can still see her face. Her deep hazel eyes gleaming with great beauty. A perfectly crafted smile curved by her emotions. It was once us, but as time passes, it will only be remembered with just once upon a time…

dreams...

It has come to my senses that dreams are one of the many evils in this world. For if you are unfortunate enough, it will leave you hanging on the edge of the cliff...


midnight dreams by ~andrebernardo on deviantART

It is an empty river leading you somewhere blurry...the more clear your dream is, the more vague everything will be...


Dreaming is like a free fall, disguised by some mystery with the thought of it being one of the most memorable experience you can have. As you fall, you close your eyes, feeling every bliss that it sends to your body inch by inch...



Free Fall by ~Quiky on deviantART


but in reality, as you fall, you don't close your eyes. You will see everything that passes you, the light, the time, the tide and the pain...and seconds before you hit the ground, it's when you are going to close your eyes, pass out until what is left is a huge thud and a flat tone...


Free Fallin by `gilad on deviantART

(If I dream...and I fall...will anyone catch me..?)

2am Rants...

2am…still up and jittery, studying since 8pm, drank 4 cups of tea and counting, answered most of the problems in our assignment and soon I will be moving on to the practical applications of our current lesson. Am I going to be like this for the next 3 years? Or worse, oh my gosh, will it be worse?!! What about work?! So much for my social life!

Accounting, who would’ve thought of it being very very very HARD! (I can’t believe I let my family talked me into this life…). Now, I sit here in our quiet dining room looking around, trying to avoid the numbers and theories of every single thing that involves accounting. But I have no choice. I have to bury my face into those thick books written by some “accounting gods”, ignoring the screams and shout of my brain pleading for me to give him some break from analyzing something beyond human comprehension.

I think accounting can bring so much drama in ones life, a little bit of tragedy and a handful of comedy. It’s like a huge TV series, consisting of so many characters crazed by the sacred course, accounting. Well, if it is going to be like that, hopefully, the TV series that I am living in is like Grey’s Anatomy and my character’s story is like Dr. Isabel Stevens. Waah! Will it be like hers? Will I find love in accounting? Will I loose that person from some grave mistake that Ii will do? And when she dies will I inherit 8.7 million dollars??!!!! If I have that huge amount of money, I won’t study anymore! hehehe…right now, I would like to put up our Christmas tree and lie under it since ,I think it’s, the only place fun and peaceful as of the moment…. crap, I just realized that it’s the caffeine talking, not me… (I think tea and tequilla have the same effect if drank without moderation)

I have to sleep..I have to sleep…have to wake up at 5am for school…sleep..sleep…

Movies and more movies!

I decided to watch the, said-to-be, two biggest movies released as of the moment, Harry Potter and Transformers. Both gave me some very very strong hang over that until I got home I can’t stop recalling and replaying it in my head.

Harry Potter sent me some chills crawling up to my spine. Especially the kissing scene, I mean…too young for a kissing scene!!!(Harry, not Daniel) plus, because of it other girls want to kill Katie Leung( and in that list of girls is my friend, Faye)…I even heard groans from every corner of the cinema when it happened!

the kiss

the kisser (looking oh so innocent)

the potential killer(looking not so innocent)

Then to make things worse, I saw the death of my favorite character, Sirius Black! I swear I want to cry!!! As if reading it in the book is not enough they decided to make it in a detailed and slow motioned scene….

I cant believe he's dead!! :'(

Well, we just got to move on…I really like how Bellatrix Lestrange and Luna Lovegood was acted! I am crushing on them both!! Hehee (blush)…Umbrige was, also,well acted! She really is some weird OC social climber witch punishable by the centaurs..hehe

Luna Lovegood! looking so lovely!

Bellatrix Lestrange acting so feisty!

uhmm... Umbrige

TRANSFORMERS! On the other hand left me with my mouth hanging open and lungs gasping for air!! It is so GRREEAAT! It has exceeded my expectations!!! If I can, I would shout at the cinema! I can’t really make any comment out of it because it has left me speechless! Transformers : More than meets the eye!

Bumblebee! my favorite!

Optimus Prime!

Shia Lebouf and Megan Fox

Josh Duhamel as Lennox!

Megan Fox!