self destruct..

Mr. Self Destruct by ~teruus on deviantART

I was feeing under the weather for the few days, and all that I was able to do in my free time is lie on my bed, listen to my radio, and imagine things that I think will trigger some self-destruct button in me.

It’s crazy to think that there is so much in me that is frail, as of the moment, and all it takes for me to explode into pieces is just a wrong move. But that, for me, is one of the greatest messes in one’s life. Because, at some point, you know that doing something beyond the line can cause so much destruction and yet you still do it. It’s something so enticing, something you just can’t ignore, something you just have to bite into. I guess this is how I live my 17-year-old life. It’s a complete balance of seriousness and wildness. It’s like knowing what direction you should take but once in a while, you would try to get lost and follow whatever you are feeling to do so and discover another world beyond the rules and then using your brain to get back on the right way. Some may think it’s dangerous, it’s insane, and it’s simply evil, but I think there’s a huge difference between experiencing something and going beyond your limitations (wow I think this is another lame excuse for me to drink! But I am done with it na!).

I am very sure that the game that I am playing is painful and dangerous but I would rather live like this with so much caution, knowing which lines to cross and not, rather that isolating myself from all the evil that surrounds me and making myself more vulnerable to the bites of reality. It’s a matter of knowing your limitation, right?……ü