grey room syndrome...

Why am I here? What will all these make me of? I lie on my bed awakened by some sweet song that, at least for a moment, gives me solace. I don’t know if this is one of those sacrifices that I am talking about. But as I lie in the darkness, breathing and feeling my hear beat, I half wish for it to just stop. For I think it’s the only way to be able to get out of this plight. I can’t believe how life, again, has left me breathless, or worse, paralyzed in the suffocation of things. It’s only been two weeks and to my surprised that I am still sober. Right now, I hate hope, which is always there at its evil state, for it gives a man reason not to let go, prolonging the torment of his soul. But what else can I do but to cling on hope for if I let go it will bring more perdition other than what I am expecting to face. My friend said that it will be all over soon-or is it? Will it be soon enough for me to stand and soon enough for me to contain these emotions that, as of the moment, are clouding my very sense of fighting. I am trying, doing my best to be strong enough for others to see that I am not giving up. But the truth is I never wanted this fight at the first place because I know it is too much for me to take. And yet there is no other except to face it. I am still awed at the same time thankful that I am making it through the day without bursting and though I am sinking more into this perplexity I am trying not to falter.

Well I've been here before,

I've sat on the floor,

In a grey grey room.

Where I stay in all day,

I don't eat but I play,

With this grey grey food.

Desole, If someone is prayin'

Then I might break out. Desole,

Even if I scream,

I can't scream that loud.

I'm all alone again,

Crawling back home again,

Just stuck by the phone again.

Yeah, well I've been here before,

Sat on a floor,

In a grey grey mood.

Where I stay up all night,

And all that I write,

Is a grey grey tune.

So pray for me child,

Just for a while

And I might break out.

Pray for me child,

Even a smile Would do for now.