School Boredom...

Posting this blog straight from my school!

1. Utterly bored by the fact that I am doing nothing.

2. Woke up late and got stuck in an impossible traffic...

3. Finding the world getting a lot smaller, robbing me of spaces to breathe in.

4. Burdened by the fact that I'm not as sociable as other people (how ironic because I am a kind of person who enjoys parties)

5. Hating my cough because I might visit the doctor anytime soon! I hate doctors

6. Can't get over heroes and dirty, sexy, money!!! :D

phantasmagoria..

There will always be a time when I wish that everything is a dream. How I wish that I am in a world filled with autonomy of imagination, fantasies, impossibilities and even the scariest thing imaginable. But of course, no matter how much I try to refuse to leave this world, the reality of it would pull me out.

The scratching sound made by the old phonograph was the first thing I heave the moment my senses awakened. The recurring wound that signifies aimlessness and restless thoughts of searching for the hidden music in the depths of darkness enveloped the room.

I lay still on the bed; eyes closed and mind wondering around the ghostly room. How I wish I have never woken up, because the events of last night refuses to cease running in my head.

My eyes, though closed, searched for traces of light and found none. Then I remembered closing the curtains last night. Surely, no matter how high the sun is right now, no light can pass through those thick satin curtains.

My fist clenched at the thought of the light. It was as if I am trying to grasp something. But the only thing I was able to do was feel the smooth silk sheet of the bed with my nails as they run through every weave of tiny threads.

I lay still, thinking of every possible way to escape this reality before it’s too late. My senses are starting to become more aware. I took a deep breath and try to concentrate. I let my arm fall from the bed and touch the floor. But I was a mistake, because the moment I felt the floor-like the flood of water it started gushing over me-the floor.

Then it took over me-the memories. From the moment I entered the room, the phonograph, the curtains, to the very reason I am lying on this bed.

At that moment I have no choice but to open my eyes. It was then I realize where I was, the solitude I was in and the cursed brought by listening from the old phonograph.

- a while ago I asked my mom if I can buy a phonograph...she just stared at me blankly... :D

Bought myself a magazine!!! :D

Well, one of the things that I decided to be doing this 2009 is to buy magazines! So, a while ago I decided to buy one, and what really caught my attention is the discovery channel magazine!! Hehehehe…I know, it’s geeky, but I really miss discovery channel. I remember watching it all day when I was a kid (talk about geekdom! Sheesh!).

First and Amistad...

For the nth time Kyle sighed loudly. It was almost 3 o’clock in the morning and no matter how much he tried to sleep, it seems like it will just elude him completely, depriving him of the sleep that he needed. He sat up, turned on the lamp on his bedside table and surveyed his room.

He hated these kinds of nights-the nights when he ruefully wished he can fall asleep like any ordinary person. And instead of having so much to do, he’d just lie on his bed thinking of how to waste the time tomorrow. But unfortunately, for Kyle, his life has never been that simple. He is juggling so much in his life, from being a student to having a part time job. It has always been complicated. He even kinda forgot what it feels like to have nothing written on his planner to the point that planning is not even necessary.

After a few minutes he stood up, changed his clothes and took a glance at himself at the mirror. How he changed so much since his last birthday! From the way he dresses to his very appearance. What’s really surprising about this fact is that he just turned 19 a few months back. The changes did not even take a year to become conspicuous. How he hated getting old. If only he can be 16 forever and not think about anything as important as passing his exams and not losing his already lost job.

Kyle felt the cold breeze of the night the moment he stepped out of his house. He stopped, like he usually do, for a while to argue with himself if he’s going to go back inside and just try to sleep again. But it seems like going to sleep again is just a waste of time and sneaking back inside is much more risky than trying to go out the house undetected. Even though his parents are already used to this kind of nights when he would sneak out of the house and come back when the sun has already risen, for reasons unknown, he’d still do it as if he’s doing it for the first time back when he was still 17. With his mind all made up, he opened the gate as quietly as possible and walked as fast as he can.

The night has always been the same- pathetically boring. But there is something in with the night that made Kyle loved it so much; the blackness of the night sky, the street lamps that stand on every corner of the streets and the silence of it. Actually, Kyle loves the way the night seems so boring, making it the reason he’d walk all the way to the café on the corner of First and Amistad regardless of its utter distance from his house.

It took him half an hour to get to the café-always half an hour. He’d always walk on the same speed, take the same route and think of the same thoughts when he’s on his way to that place. And as a complete and final routine of his sleepless nights he’d take the same table (unless it has already been taken by some other customer) and order the same drink. And for some time he would just sit there, looking at the street and try to clear his thoughts.

“Insomnia?” Someone asked

Kyle only shrugged his shoulders, not even taking his gaze off the streets.

“You know, you can always try to go ask for help,” the person said as he sat on the chair fronting Kyle “so that you can at least get a sleeping pill or some sort.”

Kyle looked at the person; it has always been him- the same old person, the same old guy who would talk to him about how he’s dealing with everything and trying to give him some advice.

“I have been waiting for you.” The man said

“I have been waiting for you.” Kyle replied, “Seriously, does it always have to be like this?”

“Well, I found you.”

“I hate this!” said Kyle raising his voice, “Why is it so complicated or something or some sort!?”

“I hated it also, you know,” replied the man, “C’mon ask me one question.”

“Have I not asked you a question?”

“What, the one with the something and some sort?”

Kyle nodded, his temper getting out of hand already.

“Well, do you even consider that a question?” Replied the man, “C’mon, kid, don’t let the wreck of the day affect your grammar, I know you’re good at it.”

Kyle took out a cigarette from his pocket and lit it, “I just-”

“Do you seriously think that’s going to help?”

“What?” Asked Kyle

“The smoking,” replied the man, “are you even sure it’s really effective in times like this?”

Kyle looked at his cigarette, took a deep breath and put it out, “It’s just that I’ve gotten used to this.”

“Well trust me, kiddo, that’s not necessary.”

Kyle closed his eyes, nodded and whispered “Okay, I am sorry.” He then took out the rest of his smokes and placed it on the table, “Take it, and then throw it somewhere.”

“It’s okay, consider it forgotten” replied the man, “Let’s just leave it here. Hey are you going to drink that coffee of yours?”

Kyle pushed the coffee across the table, “You can have it.”

“You have always been like this, you know,” said the man as he put cream and sugar on the coffee, “Ordering an espresso macchiato and then not even touching it. You just sit here, looking at the streets, smoking a stick of cigarette, thinking and taking deep breaths once every five minutes.”

“Wow,” Kyle muttered, “I always do that?”

“Every single time you’re here.” He replied, “It seems that you are underestimating me.”

Kyle looked at the streets and took another deep breath, “No, it’s just that at some point I thought that you have never really watched everything.”

“Well, think again, kiddo, I know everything.” replied the man, “Now, let’s go back to that thing of yours, go ask me a question.”

Kyle continued looking at the streets as if he’s trying to find something. He is trying to find something, not on the streets, but in his mind. He notices the street lamp at the corner and realizes it’s the only street lamp in some long mile radius.

“Where were you?” Kyle finally said after some time. “I mean, do you think it’s too late to look for me?”

The man smiled, “I’m just here all along, kid,” he said then taking a sip from his coffee, “waiting for your call so that I can go find you.”

Kyle looked at the man, “Oh,” he said, “Is it too late to look for you then?”

“It never is.”

Kyle nodded and closed his eyes.

note : I was listening to The Fray's You Found Me when I was writing this... :D try listening to it! so beautiful!!

photocredit!!! : gilad on deviantart

moleskine love!!!

I developed a habit of taking pictures of my notebooks!! hehehehehehe... Thanks, Gen, for the moleskine! love it bigtime!!! :D :D :D it's the only thing in my real wishlist! hahahahaha...

Heart matters?

(Can't think of any titles that will not make this sounds like love thingy...because it's not!)

What is inside a man’s heart?

Scientifically, a man’s heart is a muscle designed to pump the blood around the body. It has two atriums and two ventricles that pretty much make the whole organ up. (That’s the only thing I know about hearts when it comes to science T_T how depressing…)

But figuratively what is in a man’s heart? Can one pretty much understand what it consists of? I mean, after all the long years of living, can one sort through all the anguish, ecstasy, surprise, desire, joy, and other things that has been injected into it?

What is the heart anyway? Is it the very core of our very selves? Is it strong enough to show and reflect who we really are inside?

If I were to choose which part of the body that I don’t like the most, it would be the bloody heart. Because, for me, it would never be just a body part, but an intricate system that shows who we used to be, who we currently are, who we will be and most especially who we wanted to be or who we strive not to be.

Why is the heart so deceitful?

No one can understand the heart, or no one living in this place called Earth, at least…