Well, one of the things that I decided to be doing this 2009 is to buy magazines! So, a while ago I decided to buy one, and what really caught my attention is the discovery channel magazine!! Hehehehe…I know, it’s geeky, but I really miss discovery channel. I remember watching it all day when I was a kid (talk about geekdom! Sheesh!).
For the nth time Kyle sighed loudly. It was almost 3 o’clock in the morning and no matter how much he tried to sleep, it seems like it will just elude him completely, depriving him of the sleep that he needed. He sat up, turned on the lamp on his bedside table and surveyed his room.
He hated these kinds of nights-the nights when he ruefully wished he can fall asleep like any ordinary person. And instead of having so much to do, he’d just lie on his bed thinking of how to waste the time tomorrow. But unfortunately, for Kyle, his life has never been that simple. He is juggling so much in his life, from being a student to having a part time job. It has always been complicated. He even kinda forgot what it feels like to have nothing written on his planner to the point that planning is not even necessary.
After a few minutes he stood up, changed his clothes and took a glance at himself at the mirror. How he changed so much since his last birthday! From the way he dresses to his very appearance. What’s really surprising about this fact is that he just turned 19 a few months back. The changes did not even take a year to become conspicuous. How he hated getting old. If only he can be 16 forever and not think about anything as important as passing his exams and not losing his already lost job.
Kyle felt the cold breeze of the night the moment he stepped out of his house. He stopped, like he usually do, for a while to argue with himself if he’s going to go back inside and just try to sleep again. But it seems like going to sleep again is just a waste of time and sneaking back inside is much more risky than trying to go out the house undetected. Even though his parents are already used to this kind of nights when he would sneak out of the house and come back when the sun has already risen, for reasons unknown, he’d still do it as if he’s doing it for the first time back when he was still 17. With his mind all made up, he opened the gate as quietly as possible and walked as fast as he can.
The night has always been the same- pathetically boring. But there is something in with the night that made Kyle loved it so much; the blackness of the night sky, the street lamps that stand on every corner of the streets and the silence of it. Actually, Kyle loves the way the night seems so boring, making it the reason he’d walk all the way to the café on the corner of First and Amistad regardless of its utter distance from his house.
It took him half an hour to get to the café-always half an hour. He’d always walk on the same speed, take the same route and think of the same thoughts when he’s on his way to that place. And as a complete and final routine of his sleepless nights he’d take the same table (unless it has already been taken by some other customer) and order the same drink. And for some time he would just sit there, looking at the street and try to clear his thoughts.
“Insomnia?” Someone asked
Kyle only shrugged his shoulders, not even taking his gaze off the streets.
“You know, you can always try to go ask for help,” the person said as he sat on the chair fronting Kyle “so that you can at least get a sleeping pill or some sort.”
Kyle looked at the person; it has always been him- the same old person, the same old guy who would talk to him about how he’s dealing with everything and trying to give him some advice.
“I have been waiting for you.” The man said
“I have been waiting for you.” Kyle replied, “Seriously, does it always have to be like this?”
“Well, I found you.”
“I hate this!” said Kyle raising his voice, “Why is it so complicated or something or some sort!?”
“I hated it also, you know,” replied the man, “C’mon ask me one question.”
“Have I not asked you a question?”
“What, the one with the something and some sort?”
Kyle nodded, his temper getting out of hand already.
“Well, do you even consider that a question?” Replied the man, “C’mon, kid, don’t let the wreck of the day affect your grammar, I know you’re good at it.”
Kyle took out a cigarette from his pocket and lit it, “I just-”
“Do you seriously think that’s going to help?”
“What?” Asked Kyle
“The smoking,” replied the man, “are you even sure it’s really effective in times like this?”
Kyle looked at his cigarette, took a deep breath and put it out, “It’s just that I’ve gotten used to this.”
“Well trust me, kiddo, that’s not necessary.”
Kyle closed his eyes, nodded and whispered “Okay, I am sorry.” He then took out the rest of his smokes and placed it on the table, “Take it, and then throw it somewhere.”
“It’s okay, consider it forgotten” replied the man, “Let’s just leave it here. Hey are you going to drink that coffee of yours?”
Kyle pushed the coffee across the table, “You can have it.”
“You have always been like this, you know,” said the man as he put cream and sugar on the coffee, “Ordering an espresso macchiato and then not even touching it. You just sit here, looking at the streets, smoking a stick of cigarette, thinking and taking deep breaths once every five minutes.”
“Wow,” Kyle muttered, “I always do that?”
“Every single time you’re here.” He replied, “It seems that you are underestimating me.”
Kyle looked at the streets and took another deep breath, “No, it’s just that at some point I thought that you have never really watched everything.”
“Well, think again, kiddo, I know everything.” replied the man, “Now, let’s go back to that thing of yours, go ask me a question.”
Kyle continued looking at the streets as if he’s trying to find something. He is trying to find something, not on the streets, but in his mind. He notices the street lamp at the corner and realizes it’s the only street lamp in some long mile radius.
“Where were you?” Kyle finally said after some time. “I mean, do you think it’s too late to look for me?”
The man smiled, “I’m just here all along, kid,” he said then taking a sip from his coffee, “waiting for your call so that I can go find you.”
Kyle looked at the man, “Oh,” he said, “Is it too late to look for you then?”
“It never is.”
Kyle nodded and closed his eyes.
note : I was listening to The Fray's You Found Me when I was writing this... :D try listening to it! so beautiful!!
photocredit!!! : gilad on deviantart
I developed a habit of taking pictures of my notebooks!! hehehehehehe... Thanks, Gen, for the moleskine! love it bigtime!!! :D :D :D it's the only thing in my real wishlist! hahahahaha...
(Can't think of any titles that will not make this sounds like love thingy...because it's not!)
What is inside a man’s heart?
Scientifically, a man’s heart is a muscle designed to pump the blood around the body. It has two atriums and two ventricles that pretty much make the whole organ up. (That’s the only thing I know about hearts when it comes to science T_T how depressing…)
But figuratively what is in a man’s heart? Can one pretty much understand what it consists of? I mean, after all the long years of living, can one sort through all the anguish, ecstasy, surprise, desire, joy, and other things that has been injected into it?
What is the heart anyway? Is it the very core of our very selves? Is it strong enough to show and reflect who we really are inside?
If I were to choose which part of the body that I don’t like the most, it would be the bloody heart. Because, for me, it would never be just a body part, but an intricate system that shows who we used to be, who we currently are, who we will be and most especially who we wanted to be or who we strive not to be.
Why is the heart so deceitful?
No one can understand the heart, or no one living in this place called Earth, at least…
